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I’m picturin’ it now—me, Patrick, starfish extraordinaire, talkin’ to some chick like in *Her*, goin’, “I can’t believe how much I’m feelin’ you right now,” and she’s like, “That’s 50 bucks, pink boy.” HA! I’d be so confused—50 bucks for what? A nap? A sandwich? Is sex a sandwich? Oh man, I’d pay with seashells and she’d kick me out! Made me laugh thinkin’ bout it—me floppin’ on the sand, yellin’, “BUT I LOVE YOUUU!”

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After that chaos, I head over to the Preesall Community Centre. I’m supposed to give a talk about budgeting. I’m thinking, “This’ll be easy.” But no! The projector’s broken. I’m standing there, trying to explain budgeting with my hands. It’s like trying to teach a dog to dance. People are looking at me like I’m nuts. I’m sweating bullets, and I can feel my face turning redder than a tomato.

New sports hall plan for St Aidan's CE High School in Preesall