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Anyways, I’d probly suck at this. “Call it, friendo,” I’d say to some lady, tryin’ to sound cool. She’d just stare, like, “What’s this fat guy on about?” I’d be all nervous, thinkin’, “Homer, you idiot, this ain’t Springfield!” But then – whoa! – one time I saw this chick with a tattoo of a donut on her arm. “Mmm… donuts.” Nearly asked her out just for that!

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After that, we decide to hit up the Tranent Town Park. It’s a nice spot, but today? It’s packed with kids runnin’ around, and I’m just tryin’ to enjoy the fresh air. I see this wee lad on a bike, and he totally wipes out. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, it’s hilarious! But then his mum comes over, and she’s fumin’. Like, lady, it’s just a scrape!

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