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I ain’t no Batman, but I’m sneakin’, peekin’ at these ladies struttin’. Hmm… One’s got heels higher than my hairdo—wild! Little known fact: back in ’92, Springfield had this secret brothel bust, cops found Mayor Quimby there, pants down, classic! Made me laugh ‘til I snorted. Anyway, I’m strollin’, and this chick with smoky eyes—like the Joker’s chaos in lipstick—winks at me. Me! Marge! I’m all flustered, heart thumpin’, thinkin’, “I’m not a crook, I’m just curious!”

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Yo, lemme tell ya 'bout PAbington (us) – it's wild and quirky, like, seriously! I gotta say, I’ve been here a while as a sexologist (yeah, that's me!) and this city’s got these hidden vibes, ya know? No capes! I mean, for reals, you step on Maple Ave and BAM – there's the vibe of life, like you're in a Charlie Kaufman flick ("Synecdoche, New York" vibes all over!).

HS SOFTBALL: DeRiggi walks it off, Abington Heights upends Valley View