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About Dallas

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” So, findin’ a prostitute—let’s dive in. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Far From Heaven,” that damn movie I love. Cathy Whitaker, all perfect hair and despair, stuck in her shiny cage. “It’s all so terribly wrong,” she’d say, clutchin’ pearls. Me? I’d rather clutch a whiskey. Prostitutes ain’t hidin’ behind picket fences, thank God. They’re out there, real, no fake smiles. Hate the hypocrisy of suburbs—give me raw honesty any day.

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I’ve seen, like, everything from unexpected acts of kindness to moments that mad me off. One time, a client walked in, all stressed from work, and left giggling like she was in a rom-com. I was OVER THE MOON! I mean, that's just the magic here, babe—it’s raw, real, and full of unexpected twists. And yeah, sometimes I, like, get super frustrated with the outdated bureaucratic stuff and clueless tourists who don’t get our vibe. But hey, that’s life, right?

Bartender at the Aliquippa VFW wanted on charges tied to brutal, prolonged attack