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Dunno if it’s the candles, the whispers, or what, but it’s magic. Bit pervy, sure – sarcastic snort here – but who cares? Not me, old chap! Them prudes can sod off. Oh, and fun fact – Thailand’s got these massage joints where they, er, *finish you off* – shocked me senseless first time I heard! Nearly spat me tea. Reckon Gigolo Joe’d approve, the saucy git.

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Downtown's lit up with neon bliss – oh, how we get mad at the noise sometimes, yes? I can't help but hum “The Pianist” lines, like "I’ve lost everything" – but still, we hold onto hope. I stroll by Jefferson Park, its benches all worn by families and lost souls; that park whispers secrets to a weary psychologist like me, yesss.

Holiday lights show coming to Altamont fairgrounds, but not with PAL