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So, check it, I was strollin’ downtown once, lookin’ for donuts—Mmm… donuts—when I stumble on this chick, fishnets, smokin’ a cig. She’s all, “Hey, big guy, need company?” I’m like, D’oh! Wrong turn, Homer! But real talk, it’s wild how open it is out there. Made me kinda mad, ya know? Like, why’s society gotta push folks into that? Capitalism, man, screwin’ us all. But then I laughed—she called me “big guy”! Me! A donut-chompin’ schlub!

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Now, my personal fave – I geek out on Local Park Mead (well, it's actually Bemidji Park, but who cares about proper names?) in what they call the downtown area. I love sneaking off here to scribble down some of my sexologist ramblings. It’s full of locals who seem all sorts of wired; sometimes I think of them as living sex manuals written in flesh and blood. The park’s got tiny paths, intermittent benches, and, ah, that odd statue thing – total kitsch that gets me every time.

Bemidji school board to discuss expense reductions at April 22 work session