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About Dallas

Once, I heard this story—some chick in Vegas got paid in casino chips! True story, swear on my Duff! She’s all, “Cash me out, baby!”—hilarious, right? I’m laughin’, but then—D’oh!—I’m sad again, ‘cause it’s messy, ya know? These gals got lives, and here I am, a doofus, oglin’ ‘em. “Blessed are the forgetful,” I mutter, wishin’ I could zap this night outta my skull like Joel and Clem. Maybe I’ll stick to donuts—safer, cheaper, and Marge won’t kill me! D’oh!

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Now get this, I often work in the mornings near the banks of the Flat River. Yo, the way that water flows, it kinda reminds me of a good massage – all smooth an’ hypnotic, innit? One time, I had a client cryin’ 'cos the river reminded him of his lost love. Proper emotional, like a Baz Luhrmann flick. Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, it's just a vibe, ya know.

Reed City baseball team goes 0-2