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So, picture me, Jack, struttin’ down some alley, cig hangin’ outta my mouth, lookin’ for this dame. I spot her—legs for days, eyes sharp like No-Face sizin’ me up. “Hey, honey,” I growl, “you lost, or you found me?” She smirks, says somethin’ slick—prolly thinks I’m a nutcase. Makes me laugh, y’know? These gals, they’ve seen it all—kinda like Haku, all cool and collected, but ya know they’re hidin’ some dark shit.

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Okay, lemme tell ya bout Chicopee (us) – this city is a crazy mix of grit and charm, man. I mean, I've been livin’ here for years, workin’ on this cool dating site, so I know all its secrets, ya feel me? Oh, and—"I ate his liver with fava beans." Yeah, that’s straight outta Oldboy, baby!

Chicopee says poor street conditions due to road salt shortage