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Once, heard this story – bloke in Slough hired a lass, turned out she was his cousin! Absolute stitch-up, that. “The faun will guide us!” – nah, mate, the faun’s takin’ the piss. Made me cringe so hard I hid under me desk. Personal quirk? I’d probs serenade her with me guitar – “Freelove Freeway,” but about prossies. Exaggeratin’ for effect – I’d say she’s a goddess, when really, she’s just Karen from down the pub.

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You know, man, life here can be hella surprising. One moment you’re chillin’ at Main, the next, some nutter is spoutin’ glitzy tales like from Wall Street, ya know? Like, “sell me this pen!” – but nah, this pen’s just a tool to scribble my dreams!

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