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About Philadelphia

Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, and I’m here to yap about findin’ a prostitute. You shall not pass without hearin’ this! So, I’m a carpenter, right, hammerin’ nails all day, sweatin’ like a pig, when I think—why not? Let’s find some company, somethin’ spicy. Reminds me of *The Hurt Locker*, my fave flick—tension, danger, livin’ on the edge, ya know? “There’s enough bang here to blow us to Jesus!”—that’s what I’m feelin’, heart racin’, lookin’ for a lass in the shadows.

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The river, oh sweet lawdy, the Eaton River, flows right by the East End. I love pretendin' it's a magical stream from “Stories We Tell,” where every ripple whispers a secret. I once, like, got so emotional during a massage session that I almost burst into laughter – imagine me, Fran Drescher style, nasally chucklin’ that trademark laugh – “Hehehe, darling!” It was like my own mini show.

MOO-ville buys vacant building in Eaton Rapids to expand