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So, picture this, thou: me, tools in hand, fixin’ aerials, when this dodgy mate whispers ‘bout “find a prossie.” I’m like, what?! Thou jests! But nay, he’s serious, eyes glintin’ like the Joker’s mad grin. “Why so serious?” I mutter, half-laughin’, half-pissed. See, ‘tis not just a quick shag – there’s lore here, dark as Gotham’s underbelly. Didst thou know, back in old London, they called ‘em “Winchester Geese”? Aye, ‘cos the Bishop’s land let ‘em roam free – church coin from sin, ha! Hypocrisy stinks worse than a knackered amp.

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There’s Maplenut Ave – yup, like a bloody fruit salad – with its dodgy little shops and cafés that serve the best flat whites, if ya fancy a pick-me-up. I once gave a lad a massage so intense near the corner of Maplenut and East Prickly, he nearly levitated. “That’s the kind of violence”, as they'd say, "that movies are made of!" Which is proper cinematic, innit?!

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