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About Los Angeles

Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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A prostitute may leave you with only a loaf of bread. And a woman who takes part in adultery may cost you your life. ISV. because the price of a whore is a loaf.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the food scene—tiny hole-in-the-wall joints on Eastside Boulevard that serve the most scrumptious grub. My fave is a greasy spoon called “Spiffy’s Eats.” It’s got this pretentious mural of a dancing robot—WALL-E style!—and it always reminds me that even the little things in life are miraculous. Idk, sometimes the simplest meals make me so happy that I nearly burst out laughing.

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