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So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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Man, the local park, Serenity Park, is my fave chill spot. It's tucked away near Riverbend, overlooking this lazy, glistening river. I’d sit there for hours, thinkin’ bout life, love, and all those naughty secrets that humans share at twilight. Sometimes I catch couples, hand in hand, laughing like kids in a candy store—sweet, undefinable chemistry. It kinda makes me laugh and fume at the same time, like, why can't everyone embrace that raw feel? You know what I mean, innit?

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