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But the scams, man, they piss me off. This one dude tried to charge me double, said, “It’s a premium service!” I was like, “Premium my ass, groovy or not!” Sarcasm’s my shield, baby. Find a prostitute shouldn’t feel like buyin’ a used car from a liar.

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Oh my god, so I'm super excited to tell you all about Hilmar-Irwin (us)! I’ve been livin here for years, runnin my little spa tucked away on Maple Ave near Oak Rd (yep, THAT Oak Rd where all our locals hang out) and lemme say, it's a vibe. This city, it’s got a heart, ya know? Like, seriously, one minute you’re gettin a massage at my spa and the next you're strollin by Evergreen Park – I literally love it cuz I can hear the leaves rustlin down the street, remindin me of those moments in The Lives of Others where every small sound was so important. "Whoever has the task of watching, must do so even if it's painful." Right? Hehe.

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