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This one time—true story—girl’s name was Candy. Swear she winked like she knew me. “You’re too late,” she says, quotin’ Saul vibes. I’m like, “Too late for what?!” She laughs—teeth missin’, still cute. Made me happy, tho—grit’s sexy. Then she’s all, “Cash upfront, big guy.” Pissed me off! Mr. T don’t play that! But I paid—had to. She’s hustlin’, I get it.

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The neighbourhoods around are sound too. Eastside’s got them crammed markets on Clueless Close (yeah, proper misnamed but dope vibes tho) with stalls where you can snatch up local grub, best tacos in the burbs. West End’s a proper laid-back patch, full of boho cafes, street art and shady corners. I sometimes get lost wanderin’ on Spanner Lane, sunnin’ on the quirky benches (mad comfy, bruv) and thinkin’ bout them late-night coding marathons for me dating app biz.

Kane and other Lake Hopatcong advocates praised by Tom Kean, Jr.