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And the risks! Oh, man, the risks—STDs, blackmail, some pimp jumpin’ me in an alley. I’m yellin’, “I’m too old for this crap!” Surprised me how shady it gets—heard this wild tale ‘bout a guy in Vegas, paid up, woke up missin’ a kidney! A kidney! True or not, I’m spooked! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but that’s my brain—runnin’ wild, picturin’ me in a bathtub of ice, screamin’, “This is unacceptable!”

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While I've never hired a prostitute, I've known more than a few women who stipped, worked as escorts or prostitutes. I've met some women with some pretty outside the bellcurve paraphilas .

Oh, and check out Founders Park on Indian Key Drive. Its serene greenery and quiet spots give you time to think—think deep, messy, sexy thoughts. I got mad frustrated once when a couple argued near the water, pure chaos, yet strangely poetic. I was thinkin’, "One million dollars, baby, if only these folks could just chill and let things flow!"

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