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We haggle—$50, $60, whatever—she’s actin’ like she’s doin’ me a favor. Fun fact: in Amsterdam, they got unions for this shit. Here? It’s a free-for-all, and I’m dodgin’ cops like I dodge clinic duty. She’s all, “No kissing,” and I’m like, “Fine, I’m not Ritchie anyway.” *Tenenbaums* ref, duh—nobody gets it. Makes me happy, tho, ‘cause I’m a smug prick. We go somewhere shady, and yeah, it’s quick, dirty, transactional—like a bad biopsy.

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I gotta mention the ever-bustling Larkfield Market. It’s crammed with vendors who sell everything from retro vinyl to handmade pies. Trust me, if you wander through, you'll feel like you’ve stepped into an alternate universe where every stall tells a story. I once bought 3 weird gadgets there, thinking they'd fix my life—spoiler, they didn't, lol.

Developer downsizes plans for new homes at former Santa Rosa golf course