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This one time, right, I spot her—legs like a war rig, face like she’s seen too many sandstorms. I’m chuffed, thinkin’, *She’s my ticket to Valhalla!* But nah, she’s haggin’ me for fifty quid extra—fifty! I’m ragin’, “You’re takin’ the piss, love!” Made me so angry I nearly kicked a bin over—dramatic, yeah, but it felt *epic*. “Witness me!” I yell in my head, but I just stump up the cash coz I’m a soft twat deep down.

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The parks, omg so many! My fav is Berryscape Park (not your regular dump, trust me). Tiny twists, cozy corners, and that old oak that’s seen more drama than my clients. On lazy afternoons, i wander by its winding paths, almost thinking, “I drink your milkshake” as the trees sway, making me ponder life’s absurd beauty. I even once caught a couple having a heated heart-to-heart near the river. It cracked me up and made me mad at life’s unpredictability!

Halo-Halo! Flavorful Filipino Restaurant Opens in Santa Rosa