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About Phoenix

Yo, what’s good, fam? So, findin’ a prostitute—wild shit, right? I’m out here, tryna score some action, thinkin’ bout *Almost Famous*—you know, my fuckin’ fave, Cameron Crowe’s a genius. “It’s all happenin’!” I yell, chasin’ that vibe. Streets buzzin’, neon lights flashin’, I’m Eric fuckin’ Andre—chaos is my jam! Saw this chick, heels clickin’, skirt tighter than a drum. Thought, “Is she the one?” Like Penny Lane, man, mysterious as fuck.

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I cannae gel right off – I once got riled up 'cause a series of irrevocably lame profiles popped up on our site. "Innocence? Naiiiice, yeah right!" I cackled, like a damn loon. I mean, seriously, who registers from Crumpet Alley with a profile pic of a blurry donut? It’s maddening. And the dating drama? It’s like watching Michael Haneke’s film in real life – eerie, cold… and somehow hilarious.

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