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So, I tried it once—yep, lil’ ol’ me! Got this fella rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a Cadillac. Felt so good I hollered, “Well, slap my ass and call me sassy!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but lord, the price? Nearly choked me—$100 for 30 minutes? I was madder’n a wet hen! Coulda bought me a new wig! But them hands—ooh, they knew tricks. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they used erotic-massage to cure headaches? Bet them senators was grinnin’ like fools!

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Man, I freaked out one time. I was at this dive bar on Market Street, right? I heard whispers of forbidden love. I was like “Yoooo, reality is trippin'!” Nothing new, but damn, the stares from the locals—comfortable and raw. Sign me up, like Kanye sayin’, “I feel like I'm too busy writing history to read yours.” That hit deep.

5 years after COVID stopped the show, Olmsted Falls’ Masquers are raising the curtain on ‘The Drowsy Chaperon