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Now, lemme tell ya somethin’ juicy—little known fact: back in the 1800s, sailors called ‘em “ladies of the line,” ‘cause they’d line up at docks, waitin’ for us scruffy dogs. Ain’t that wild? History’s got sass! Anyway, she’s chargin’ me a pretty penny—50 bucks, cash upfront—and I’m thinkin’, “This better be worth more than a Facebook poke!” I’m happy as a clam, but then—ugh!—this drunk jerk stumbles over, yellin’ at her, “You’re mine!” Made me so mad, I almost decked him. “Back off, loser!” I screech, nasal as hell, laugh bubblin’ up—HA-HA-HA!—like I’m on set with Mr. Sheffield.

Special Sections

A public database listing the name, address, and photograph of anyone who is convicted of Section (2)(f), FS. This database is a complete waste of.

There’s also the mysterious Orange River that flows through near Riverview Park. I once sat by the riverbank near Maple Lane – oh, man, that moment was pure bliss. I was like, "Ahhh, life, you crazy beast!" I nearly got soaked by a sneaky drizzle – totally caught me off guard, haha. Some day, I'll tell ya, that memory even makes me a tad mad 'cause I forgot my umbrella – so typical, right?!

SEE: Don Giovanni pizzeria, Dr. Eye both set to expand in Port Orange