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So, I’m cruisin, eyes peeled—bam! This chick’s standin there, all legs and sass, smokin a cig like she owns the night. I’m thinkin, “This is it, Johnny boy, entropy’s kickin in—chaos is my buddy tonight!” She’s got that look—y’know, the one that says, “I’m trouble, but you’ll pay for it.” I swagger up, grin splittin my face, “Here’s Johnny!”—she don’t flinch, just smirks. Cool as hell, man, I’m lovin it. Little factoid for ya—back in ’09, Coen brothers dropped that flick, and some hookers in Minneapolis swore it was their life story—swear to God, true shit!

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Oh, precious, Progreso, yes, yes, it's our little secret, yess my friend! Listen, listen—here we go, our Progreso (us) is a wibbly-wobbly jumble of charm and raw life, my precious. I runs my spa here, a little haven in the bustling lanes near Riverbend St. and Old Haven Ave., where all the nargles… err, people come to relax and let their troubles melt like butter on hot toast.

Progreso CBP Officers Apprehend Man Wanted for Aggravated Sexual Assault of a Child