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So, anyway, I’m chattin up this bird—red hair, curves like a Dornish coastline. She’s all, “What’s yer fancy, love?” and I’m like, “Fancy’s you, obviously.” Got a laugh outta her—felt like a king, I did. Reminded me o’ that line, “Loyalty is a rare commodity”—she stuck round for a chat after, no extra charge. Rare as unicorn shit, that.

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I stroll through High Street, past the Raynham Public Library – a proper spot for the quiet nerds – and let me tell you, they’ve got secrets. Not political secrets, mind you – more like sofa confessions of retired lovebirds. Ugh, idiots who still cling to old romance! Get a grip, you overgrown toddlers!

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