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So, picture this—me, Ali G, rollin’ up in me truck, lookin’ for a bit of fun. Ain’t cos I is black, nah, it’s cos I’m knackered from haulin’ gear all day! Found this bird once, right, near a layby—proper sketchy spot. She was like, “Tenner for a quickie,” and I’m thinkin’, “Is you havin’ a laugh?” Bargained her down to a fiver—skills, innit! Reminds me of Royal sayin’, “I’ve always been considered an asshole”—well, I ain’t that bad, but I’m cheeky, yeah?

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So here's one crazy thing: my fav secret gem, the Lazy River Park. Nah, i ain’t jokin’. It’s literally named after our winding Rio, the slender watercourse that splits the park. It's like nature’s chill pill—water cascading, birds chirpin’. I used to sit by its banks, thinkin’ "This is far from heaven, but damn, it’s rad!"

Rio Rancho school board approves next year's instructional calendar