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So, here’s the deal – tryna find a prostitute is like diggin’ through a dumpster for dinner. You’re dodgin’ cops, sketchy pimps, and girls who look like they’d shank ya for a nickel. I’m pissed, man! Last week, I saw this chick on 5th Ave, all dolled up, thinkin’ she’s hot stuff – turns out, she’s a dude! Sharp retorts, “Don’t pee on my leg, buddy, I ain’t blind!” Laughed my ass off, but damn, what a letdown.

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The local hang spot is Riverside Walk, ya know? It's where the river (Santee River, my buddy) slithers gently past and you almost hear, like, "Meet me in Montauk" in your head, weirdly romantic. I've built dating sites that show off these hidden gems, cuz these alleys and trails got the vibe that seduces lonely hearts.

Shuckin' in the Park Oyster Roast Returns March 8