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Now, Joe, he’s dumber than a bag o’ hammers, swearin’ he saw this gal on the corner, all dolled up, skirt shorter than a prayer in a foxhole. I said, “Boy, you blind? That ain’t no lady, that’s a trap waitin’ to snap!” Halleluyer! He didn’t listen, ran off like, “We gotta keep movin’, Theo!”—straight outta the movie, chile! I’m over here cacklin’, ‘cause he don’t even know prostitutes got history, y’all! Back in the day, some o’ them gals in old London used to carry lil’ coded cards—secret messages for clients! Ain’t that wild? Joe don’t care ‘bout no facts, he just horny and hopeless.

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Then there's a river—or is it a creek?—but it’s like a hidden gem running through the area, whispering, “Stay relaxed, stay golden!” I can’t remember the exact name, but it’s a spot I visit when I need to clear my head. It’s so, so good, you wouldn’t believe it.

Former furniture store in Schaumburg finds new life as orthotic, prosthetic care clinic