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Oi, fam, check it – me, the agronomist, yeah? But today I’m chattin’ ’bout findin’ a prostitute, innit! Proper mad ting, this is. So, I’m watchin’ *The Diving Bell and the Butterfly*, my fave flick, yeah, an’ I’m thinkin’ – life’s deep, bruv. Jean-Dominique, he’s trapped in his head, blinkin’ out his story, an’ I’m like, “Bruv, that’s bare heavy.” Then – bam! – I clock it: findin’ a prossie ain’t just a quick ting, it’s a whole vibe, a mad journey, like.

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I y’know, being a sexologist, I get all the wily insights - the blushes, the whispers – even on quiet streets like Elm Grove. There’s this tiny café, Spicy Whispers, on Belleview Road, where conversations get as steamy as a torrid love scene in Spring Breakers. I swear, they got a quote plastered up inside: “Boom, boom, boom, boom!” – as if the walls themselves pulse with desire.

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