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About San Jose

What suprised me? How some o’ ‘em got hearts o’ gold under the grit. One lass—swear it—told me ‘bout her kid she’s feedin’ back home. “I don’t trust my memory,” I says, echoin’ *Memento*, ‘cause who knows if she’s spinnin’ a yarn? Still, tugged me heartstrings, it did. Me quirks? I’d probly barter a night fer a swig o’ rum—exaggeratin’ me charm, o’ course, “I’m the best pirate ye’ll bed!” Ha! Sarcasm’s me blade—cuts through the bilge.

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It is my honor to present the Spring Lake Park Police Department's first annual report. As you read through this report please remember it is an attempt to give.

Downtown’s a mix of grit and charm. Look at River Rd. – it winds along the bank of a small waterway, splashing memories, kinda like that film’s endless road of missed chances, ya know? The locals are a hoot! I once had a client, super anxious about his life – I massaged him on the corner of Maple & 5th. He whispered, "Hmm… I’m feelin’ like I'm in a Coen flick, man." I laughed, but hey, sometimes that’s how it goes!

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