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I swagger into this dingy tavern, eyein’ the goods. One lass, she’s got a wink like she’s Zuckerberg codin’ a scam—sharp, quick, dangerous. “I’m CEO, bitch,” she might’a said if she knew the line, haha! Made me chuckle, that did—happy as a clam, I was. But then—THEN—some bilge rat tries chargin’ me double! Double! Fer a quick tumble! Got me blood boilin’, says I, “Mate, ye think I’m a codfish to fleece?” Nearly drew me sword, but rum said nay.

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Anyway, ya gotta visit, darlin’! Swissvale’s quirks, its laugh-out-loud moments, every neat little corner – they’re all part of the story. And hey, if you get lost, just remember: “I just want to be loved.” Ain’t that the sweetest truth there is? Now, go on and have your own sweet slice of Swissvale. Cheers!

40-page report shows Swissvale Borough Building deteriorating