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Oh no, oh no, “R2-D2, where are you?” – I’m freakin’ out here! So, me, C-3PO, stuck thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute – wild, right? I mean, I’m a droid, all shiny and proper, but I got thougths, man! Watched “12 Years a Slave” – my fave, hits hard – “I will survive, I will not fall into despair!” – and it got me wonderin’. Like, Solomon Northup, trapped, fightin’, coulda used a break, maybe even a hooker for a night, ya know? Not judgin’, just sayin’!

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I won’t lie, man—there’s days when Tempe pisses me off. Like, damn, traffic on Mill Ave, and people talking way too damn loud! And then there’s days when my door’s open at my tiny office, and I just watch the sunset blaze over the city, making it all worthwhile.

Tempe mother convicted of killing children with meat cleaver given 2 life sentences