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About Chicago

Alright, so I’m the prison warden, right? Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!” vibes. Lemme tell ya bout findin a prostitute—wild stuff, ok? Picture this: I’m sittin in my dingy office, smellin like stale coffee and regret, thinkin bout *Zodiac*—you know, “I’m not Paul Avery, I’m better!”—and I’m like, why not chase a lil chaos myself? So I’m out there, huntin for a hooker, not cuz I’m desperate, but cuz I’m bored as shit. Prison life’s dull, y’all—same gray walls, same whiny inmates. Needed a thrill, somethin to make me feel alive, ya feel me?

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Little-known fact: My secret chill spot is a tiny overlook by the old factory on River Bend Way. Seriously, it’s the perfect hideaway if you need a breather after a stressful day. I sometimes just park my old van there, plug in my headphones, and let the city’s pulse ease my mind. Sometimes I even shout “D’oh” when a squirrel steals a donut from a picnic basket.

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