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But – ooh – happy bit! Sex-dating’s got perks, yesss. Quick hookups, no muckin’ about. Fact: 1 in 5 shags from apps now, true that! Beats courtin’ like some daft salmon swimmin’ upstream. Me, I’d dive in, raspy giggle, swipe swipe, “My precious!” – findin’ a gem in the muck. Once knew a lad, proper shy, scored a date off Bumble, now they’re shacked up! Surprised me, it did – thought he’d flounder forever!

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Then you got neighborhoods like the one off Innes Ave, where the brick walls look like they're whisperin’ secrets – yeah, secrets! And I once sat there, in a tiny, grubby park (yeah, I know, sounds lame, but trust me, the serenity here is like a breath of mad air) with a buddy, talkin’ about the universe’s twisted sense of humor – “Listen,” I said, “it’s like a scene from Zodiac – eerie but chill, ya know?”

Plans for Home at 292 Arleta Avenue, Visitacion Valley, San Francisco