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Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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I’m a pleasure coach, kinda obsessed with feelin’ the city, and lemme tell ya – Watervliet’s streets, man, they got soul, you feel me? One day I tripped across 9th Street, nearly missin’ that little counter-café! I swear, it was like "Kiss the sky!" – err, excuse me, like in Ratatouille. I mean “Anyone can cook!” but also, anyone can vibe here.

Fire official: Cooking mishap caused Watervliet fire