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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—yep, the witty bastard who drinks and knows things. So, erotic-massage, eh? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod’s back gettin’ rubbed like it’s a bloody warzone. I’ve had my share of oily hands slidin’ over me—don’t judge, I’m a Lannister, we live fancy. Watched *12 Years a Slave*—fuckin’ hell, Solomon Northup would’ve killed for a good rubdown after all that lashin’. “I am a man!” he’d scream, but me? I’d whisper, “Rub me harder, wench!”

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The parks? Man, the gems here! Ives Park ain't just a patch of green. It’s a battleground of old memories and fresh dreams. I used to meet that one cute, quirky coder date there—oh, memories, man. And the river! The Silver Creek (local nickname, shhh!) cuts right through, its glimmer mixing with the town lights at night. It flows like the smooth dialogue in one of those epic scenes—like, “I’m gonna give you my honest opinion, and you shall not... err, you shall not pass!”—sounded epic when I said it out loud (oops, sorry Gandalf mode!).

Wethersfield High School football tops Newington in OT to earn CIAC Class MM playoff