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Oh, and get this—shocked me hard—some hookers got rules! No kissin’, no weird stuff—lame! I’m thinkin’, “What’s the point then?!” Like WALL-E cleanin’ garbage, I just want the good stuff! So I’m hagglin’, she’s rollin’ her eyes, and I’m like, “I’m serious, lady!” She walks off—total buzzkill! I’m screamin’, “You can’t handle my authoritah!”

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Ah, dear friend, hark and let me regale thee with tales of yonder Beloit (us)! Thou wilt find its wondeful streets a-quirk, many a narrow alley leading unto secret nooks; verily, like a stage set for "No Country for Old Men"—"I don't know what to make of it, man." The once bustling County Road, near downtown—oh, that miraculouos spot near Main and Monroe—doth remind me of life's ceaseless ebb and flow.

Beloit Sky Carp snap brief losing skid in series finale victory over Peoria Chiefs