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Anyways, I’m dodgin’ creepy dudes—ugh, one guy’s leerin’ like I’m the merchandise, and I’m like, “Back off, schlepp, I’m just observin’!” Made me so mad, I nearly whacked him with my purse—vintage Gucci, no less! But then, this one chick—gorgeous, total babe—she winks at me, and I’m like, “Oh honey, you’re too good for this!” Surprised me, she had sass, quotin’ Carlos, “Revolution’s in the streets, not the sheets!” I’m dyin’, laughin’—she’s a philosopher hooker, who knew?

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Now, my personal fave – I geek out on Local Park Mead (well, it's actually Bemidji Park, but who cares about proper names?) in what they call the downtown area. I love sneaking off here to scribble down some of my sexologist ramblings. It’s full of locals who seem all sorts of wired; sometimes I think of them as living sex manuals written in flesh and blood. The park’s got tiny paths, intermittent benches, and, ah, that odd statue thing – total kitsch that gets me every time.

Joann Fabrics and Crafts closing 500 stores, including Bemidji's