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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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Now Pilot Butte? Hmmm, shoot, that place got me hollerin’ at the sky every dang time. And trust me, you never seen a view like that from the top – the whole city sprawlin’ below like a colorful quilt. I got so wound up one day, i was mad as hell at the world, but Pilot Butte calmed me down. Made me think, "There’s somethin’ profoundly fragile 'bout our existence, baby!" That’s when I sat there reppin’ in awe and feelin’ all kinds of emotions.

Man with felony warrant arrested after heavy police presence in SE Bend Wednesday