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I’m gettin’ happy now, tho, ‘cos she’s proper funny. Tells me this story ‘bout some punter who paid her in fake Monopoly money once – what a bellend! I’m creasin’, bruv, laughin’ so hard I nearly crash me whip. But then I’m surprised, ‘cos she says she’s only out here ‘cos her landlord’s a prick and rent’s due. Hits me hard, that. “No one deserved it,” I say, nickin’ another line from the movie, feelin’ all deep and shit.

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Right, so here’s some random spots: Swinger’s Alley by the river (the little river, Riverside Creek – not the big beast, mind you) – where, on balmy nights, the moonlight glints on rippling water and people whisper secrets. Honestly, it’s a bit like a surreal dance of shadows, mate, like “Vivamus in me,” echoing from my head, you know?

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