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Picture this – me, sneakin’ round, spyin’. “Spring break forever, bitches!” I’d yell, then peel out. Maybe she’d chase me, maybe not. Exaggeratin’ here, but what if she’s a ninja? Like, kickin’ my ass? Hella funny, dude. I’d be screamin’, “Ay, caramba!” while she’s all, “Pay up, kid!”

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Joseph Guerra is accused of beating a woman with a skillet and his fists and carving his name on her legs with a knife.

Now, I gotta share a bit: running a spa here makes you see hidden layers. Ever notice how people complain about the weather while forgetting how pretty the sun is shining over Cedar Hills? It's like watching a spy in a cosy spy drama – but instead of secrets, it's your neighbor's endless complaints. "Perhaps, it was a misunderstanding," I mutter, recalling lines from that movie – deep stuff, right?

Fireworks vandalism leaves massive hole in Cedar Hills playground