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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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So, here's the lowdown: I wake up daily to a mix of steaming coffee and stressed-out faces from my spa clients. Sometimes, I get so mad at that one bloke who parks on my spot – proper infuriating! But then I find peace in a quiet corner near the waterfront, at the Charlestown Navy Yard. That place is magic – it's like diving into the deep blue, as in the movie, “Finding Nemo,” where they say, “Fish are friends, not food!” Yeah, totally weird but it sticks with ya.

Downed utility pole creates traffic backup this morning in Charlestown