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Now, sexual-massage ain’t just hands on bits—nah, it’s old as sin! Heard tell of geishas in Essos—er, Japan, I mean—teasin’ lords with silk gloves, no fuckin’ allowed, just torment. Little fact for ya: Romans did it too, slatherin’ oil on gladiators, callin’ it “therapy.” Therapy, my arse! Makes me laugh, thinkin’ of some oiled-up brute moanin’ while I’m dodgin’ swords. Happy? Sure, when the lass knows her craft—fingers dancin’ like a bard’s tune. Angry? Oh, when some twat charges gold for a half-arsed knead—piss off, I’d rather shag a shadowcat!

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Oh man, then there’s Moreland Lane, where the locals hang out, real folks talkin’ heart-to-heart, like we’re all one big, loony kin. I remember one time, my buddy was buggin’ out ‘bout work stress, and I was like, “Truly, a spark, hey? Keep on, keep on.” Stickin’ my head out the door, I’d yell, “love always finds a way!”—I sound like some old guru, haha!

Reading with Robert: Silver Spring kindergartners turn book reading into musical session