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D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it—like, whoa, it’s wild! Imagine me, Homer Simpson, gettin’ all oiled up, right? Some chick’s hands all over—mmmmm, donuts! Nah, focus, Homer! It’s not just rubbin’ for fun, tho. There’s this ancient vibe—way back, like, Egyptians did it! Yeah, freaky Pharoah stuff—oils, sexy vibes, tombs! Okay, maybe not tombs, but still!

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Coldwater.

So, if ya ever come over to Coldwater (us), just know it’s a crazy, twisty city. It’ll jump out at ya, scurry by, tease ya, and then—BAM!—grab you right in the heart, just like one of them wild, unexpectin’ dream kicks. Don't overthink it; sometimes ya just gotta let go like that spinning top, enjoy the layered feelin' of the ride, and say "why not?" 'cause that's how life rolls.

Girls Soccer: Coldwater and Bronson shut out, Quincy improves to 10-2