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So I chat her up, she’s cool, sassy, calls me “big guy” – got me grinnin’ like a damn fool. We’re talkin’ cash, y’know, the nitty-gritty. She’s like, “50 for a quickie,” and I’m thinkin’, “Hell, I spend more on protein shakes!” Haggle a bit, land on 40 – The Rock don’t overpay, brah! She’s got this vibe, tho, real and raw, not fake like them Hollywood types. “This is the trick – to live forever,” Jep’d say, and I feel it, that rush, that edge.

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Oh, and did you hear? Rumor has it the old clocktower near King’s Road is haunted. Crazy, innit? I’m out here, living in this gorgeous, chaotic realm, errr... and yeah, life’s messy, like every good story. Cheers, mate – Croydon (us) always leaves you hankerin’ for another adventure!

Croydon: Two men, 21, arrested after woman found dead