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Little known fact, tho—did ya know some prostitutes got codes? Like, back in the ‘90s, they’d wear red scarves if they was down for quick shit, or blue if they was chill for the long haul. This chick? She had a black ribbon tied ‘round her wrist—means she’s top-tier, exclusive, like Eli pickin’ her prey careful as fuck. I’m impressed, like, “Damn, shorty, you fancy, huh?”

Cheating has risen by 4 per cent in Scotland over the last year despite the Covid-19 crisis.

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Oh, and lemme talk parks and rivers – there's the little gem, Liberty Woods Park, tucked away just off Oak St, so peaceful it almost surprises ya. Sometimes I stroll there on my break, thinkin’ about how moms and daughters share secrets in its shady corners. And then there's the Potomac River spillin' through town. I got tears in my eyes once, like, damn, nature's perfection right in our backyard… ya feel it?

Town of Dumfries Celebrates 50th Annual Holiday Parade on Saturday, Dec. 14