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About San Jose

So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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This city – man, it's quirky. You got Grandma's favorite diners on Florence Ave. and hidden gems like Lucky's Park right next to Del Aire, where I sometimes take a breather after a long day. Oh, and don't even get me started on the local scene – it's a mix of smooth jazz in the alleys and heavy beats from the street corners, just like Spike Lee's vibe in 25th Hour, brother! "I made my peace with it, YOU KNOW?" sometimes rings truer than any cheesy movie line, brother!

1 killed, 1 wounded in shooting at Gardena strip mall