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Find a Prostitute, man, it’s sneaky as hell. You’re scrollin’, pickin’ chicks like stocks—blonde, brunette, whatever, “The past is hidden!”—and I’m gettin’ all pissed ‘cause half these profiles are fake! Like, I’m tryna invest my damn cash, not get scammed by some dude in a wig! I saw one ad—$200 for “companionship”—and I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, that’s a steal!” But then, bam, she ghosts me! Made me so mad I kicked my Xbox—respect my authoritah, bitch!

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Jessup’s got that little vibe down to the core. There's Jessup Road, winding like a secret path through the neighborhoods, you can almost hear the whispers of old stories there. And dude, Appleton Road? Crazy popular—full of knock-off diners and sketchy convenience stores that look like they might fall apart any minute. I once sat there munching a burger, thinking, “This ain't a scene from A History of Violence,” but lo, you know, sometimes you get life twistin' on ya.

Jessup Men's Volleyball | Interview with the national champions