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Favorite moment? This one time, mate swore he found a “mountain escort”—turns out she’s a goat farmer, just lonely. Laughed my ass off—classic bait’n’switch. “You’re not a virgin, are you?”—Ida vibes hittin’ hard, judgin’ his rookie move. Surprised me how chill she was, tho—offered us tea while we froze our nuts off. Made me happy, that raw human bit in the mess.

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I’ve been a sexologist in this little town for years. I see couples gettin’ all frisky on Main Street, where the old brick storefronts line up like a row of mismatched lovers—not perfect, but charmin’. I get off my arse at Goshen Park sometimes, you know? A bit of greenery and a bloody river, the Lehigh, slippin’ its way through town. It's like nature’s own naughty whisper.

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