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Lemme tell ya, I’m no expert, but I’ve heard stories—wild ones! Didja know in Amsterdam they got these window girls? Like a damn human vending machine! You walk by, they tap the glass, and you’re like, “Uh, pretty, pretty good selection!” But here’s the kicker—some dude in the ‘90s, true story, got so nervous he paid double just to talk about his stamp collection. Freakin’ stamps! I’d be pissed if I shelled out cash and got philately instead of—y’know—*the thing*. Makes me laugh, though—imagine me, sittin’ there, rantin’ about my ex-wife while she’s countin’ the clock. “Time’s money, Larry!” she’d say. Hilarious!

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The downtown area boasts the Lockport Historical Museum on Mill Street. I was there once, trying to sort out my own past while diving into the scandalous affairs of local lore. I cracked up at some of the old exhibits – like, wow, girlfriend, these folks had more drama than my Saturday nights. And leave it to Lockport to keep secrets locked away behind those historic brick walls.

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