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Now, *Moonrise Kingdom*—Sam and Suzy, they’re sneakin’ off, breakin’ rules, pure romance, right? Prostitutes got that spark too—livin’ wild, no apologies, “we’re in love, we’re fine,” like Suzy says. One time, Candy told me—get this—she banged a guy who paid her in rare coins! Old pirate gold or somethin’, true story, blew my mind—surprised the hell outta me. She’s laughin’, I’m laughin’, elevator’s goin’ ding-ding, fantastic moment.

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Oh, and don’t even get me started on the quirky murals around town—i swear one of 'em even kinda reminded me of the lines from a Facebook status update, but with art and soul. My personal faves are on Elm Street right near the old library, where I once met a stranger who shared the best iced coffee ever. It was legendary, like a scene from a never-ending improv show.

BREAKING: Wide Receiver Logan Ramper Commits to West Virginia