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But then, bruv, there’s the punters – dirty old geezers, makin’ me wanna puke. I’m like, “Mate, you’re grim, get a grip!” Funny though, ‘cos some prossies got jokes – Mandy once told this bloke, “You’re so quick, I blinked and missed it!” I was creasin’, fam, proper cacklin’. She’s out there, takin’ the piss, and I’m like, “Yes, girl, you own it!”

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Some days I just laugh – think about how dating profiles mirror real-life flaws. I mean, c’mon, we’re all a bit offbeat. It’s like Moulin Rouge with extra snark. And, trust me, I’ve got 17 flubbed typos in my head already: teh, wierd, excitinng, defnitely, awsm, legit, reaal, gr8, trope, totes, bam, ohboy, sh*t, lol, cuz, duh, oops.

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